No One on My Side

“Cider Rum Champagne for free
Don’t ya wanna ride? [Don’t ya wanna ride?]
Ride the funhouse train with me
There’s no one on my side, [No one on my side”]

Latter day, sick clown, forever been a rascal
Saturday, got kicked out, the Elephant and Castle
Lonely on the night I said “Don’t ya wanna ride?”
No one on my side, No one on my side,
The bartender said that, while on the Gin
I was subject to bouts of projectile vomiting
Oh Fuck no fair, I need to take a leak
Hold up, over there, I see a place to pee…
Aah great relief, I turned away to see
2 coppers facing me saying “this aint the place to wee”
I said what you talking bout? I din’t swear at’em at all
Officers I weren’t pissing I was staring at the wall
“Look Sir don’t lie, explain this ocean it’s
Running down the street and you there with trainers soaked in piss!
We seen ya type before and we know ya gonna lie”
Oh is No one on my side? (Who’s on my side?)

“Cider Rum Champagne for free
Don’t ya wanna ride? [Don’t ya wanna ride?]
Ride the funhouse train with me
There’s no one on my side, [No one on my side”]

One day my bird was in the Hospital and ill
Thought I couldn’t shock her anymore not possible until…
I hit the ward I can’t be seen and thought I found the angle…
I dropped my trousers there I was pants around my ankles!
She weren’t impressed “chill babe you need cheering up”
A matron type voice behind me shouted “Look here enough!”
There’s kids just across the hall and, you tarnish this place
“This is a hospital and, you are a disgrace!”
Nurse is shouting at me I said “I am not a child”
And the doctor, I swear that he was trying not to smile
Didn’t get the joke until, hanging out my black jeans
I saw it and it was cold so you know what that means
Dear John… your being a silly Brannan now
Then it hits I’m in a crowded ward Willy hanging out!
The nurse was traumatised, my bird was mortified…
John’s a walking circus brought to life! (Who’s on my side?)

“Cider Rum Champagne for free
Don’t ya wanna ride? [Don’t ya wanna ride?]
Ride the funhouse train with me
There’s no one on my side, [No one on my side”]

A day in the life of Rukas surprising how my day goes
When in McDonald’s always ask for fries without the potatoes
Point at someone and shout "You're one of them!"
Run and pretend to trip. Crawl away slowly then
Run up to someone random on the street and then just slap them
With a loaf of bread and don’t forget to ask’em what just happened?
Walk up to a small child that resembles you and tell them
That you are them from the future and it’s time to start rebelling
I’m at the library, I asked for a book on how to read
And took my stuffed pet to the vet and said “Rovers forgotten how to breathe!”
Hide in a public bathroom stall and when someone walks in,
Say "Ah young one, Welcome to Narnia DING""
Dress up as harry potter and stalk someone all day
Shouting random spells at them and keep’em coming all day
I promise I am honest I the one the comics like
Oh is No one on my side? (Who’s on my side?)