SENSE OF HUMOUR

Walk up to random ladies insisting you are family make a noise
Steal candy from babies throw papers back at paperboys
When you're in an argument, shout really loud
"I don't see your name on it!” no matter what it's about,
At random times in a conversation, say "Hi,"
"Hello Sir, how are you?" or "Have a good day, thank you Bye"
Job interviews you don’t have to sweat
When they ask ya name stay quiet an hour then say "Is that a threat?"
And when someone asks you the time just say “what? I know”
Then shuffle towards’em making plane noise shouting “DO NOT APPROACH”
Who’s a nuisance? Me choosing three
Hundred pairs of shoes to try, tell the guy I don’t wanna buy shoes and leave
Walk up to someone eating, Lean over stare at them intently
Until they notice, continue to do so for like twenty
Minutes until they ask what you're doing, Reply, "I've been here
Watching you eat for the last half an hour, you’re weird!"

In the car with my step nans sweat band
Turn on the Talk Radio roll the window down and head-bang
Walk around with a plastic sword deaf to the laughter
Telling strangers "I must avenge the death of my father"
When ya standing in a lift face the back
especially if its packed lose it, start to clap
Singing music expecting’em to sing too if
They don’t insist, "Everyone knows that song, what you stupid?"
How else shall I tease’em?
When we’re going down scream “WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!" for no apparent reason
Witness the comedic end of rapping
whenever someone finishes a sentence always say, “uh huh then what happened?"
Evil and mean hyper today
Adjust the tint on my TV screen so the people are green, and insist that I "like it that way”
Stand on a busy corner, Gasp, look up at the sky
See how many people look and ask’em to get a fucking life

Repeat the following conversation a dozen times:
"Do you hear that?", "What?", "Never mind, it's gone now" Then do it another dozen times
Lick the cream from cookies put them back in the box make no sound
Go out point ya hair dryer at cars to see if they slow down
Sing along at the opera house and
Call an operator, When asked, "Can I help?" reply, "No thanks, just browsing"
Phone random numbers, ring any corporate office
Tell’em ya bought a cottage holding their daughter hostage
Don’t wanna extort ya profits but if you don’t order porridge with a quarter sausage
For when four o’clock hits I will have taught her Scottish
Visit Nan, see her mind decay
Lie obviously about trivial things like the time of day
Let her talk an hour then say "Wait, start over I wasn't paying attention
Oh and happy birthday Nan I’m taking ya pension”
Throw stones at people walking past your house that’s my hobby yes
Disagree strongly with everything anybody says